Thank God you’ve found me. They came for me at 4am and said they’d “take me down”. I was bundled into a car and driven to a warehouse. Couldn’t tell if it was GCHQ but they were very silent. Then in the dark I heard a voice I knew. A single piercing light lit his face. He didn’t speak at first. Just laughed. It was Alistair. His eyebrows moved menacingly in the yellow beam and he was saying they knew all about me and what I was up to and did I think I could get away with it? He didn’t wait for answers. Just turned and left. The light went out and I heard a shuffling beside me. A voice said: Don’t worry I’ll get you out. Quick, this way. We entered a dimly lit corridor and I saw his face. It was Mundell. He caught my look and said: Surprised? I’m really one of yours. Have been all along. Who’d do you think got Moore sacked?He pushed me into a waiting car and as he held the door said: There are more of us inside the machine. Why do think the message is so negative? Does anybody think that will work…He slammed the door and I was dropped off here an hour ago. I ran to the Mac but it was too late. Both sites had gone. I’ve searched to find and resurrect them and renamed them – https://derekbateman1.wordpress.com and http://derekbateman2.wordpress.com . Or Google Derek Bateman Broadcaster1. Don’t know how long they’ll be there. Things are never what they seem…D
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Derek Bateman Broadcaster1 
Search parties recalled and all conspiracy theories back in the box, till next time.
Phew! Thought we’d lost you there, DB!
Do be more careful in future….
Did his eyebrows do the cant cant?
Jings! Has this anything to do with Comet Ison? It was just signalled to me here that Ison means Big in Finnish, but even with my binoculars it wasn’t really. So, following that hint, I now have incontrovertible proof that you were right. Just as Darling’s eyebrows are neither an astronomical dimension nor even mathematically possible, the no campaign is just a wee sad block of interstellar slush. Not even a tail at all.
What kind of lame excuse is that ! You’re late..
ps – your dinner is in the dog
Thoroughly enjoyed Tartanfever’s reply.
I thought there might be a locked holdall somewhere wait………… I think you enjoyed us letting our conspiracy traits run wild. Good to see your unscathed and in fine fettle.
Hit the nail on the head re Moore’s departure. He was caught (Westminster camera) sharing a knowing smile with a member on the opposite bench while Mundell bounced back to his seat. I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did. So, Derek, keep your head down, take no chances, trust no one…..and…..we’ll hear from you when the sun shines tomorrow.
FFS, Derek – You had a lot of people worried there. Search parties were trawling around BTHQ. Glad you made it out in one piece.
I’ve always thought there was more to Mundell than just a pretty face and the ability to stop, single handed – no offence David – the left-wing parties ruling rough-shod over Scotland!
🙂
Darling as the menacing dentist in the Marathon Man.That could be his doppelganger.Watch out next time you go for a check up Derek.
‘Darling as the menacing dentist in the Marathon Man.’
Lol!
‘Is it safe? Is it safe?
I’m a proud Scot but I have to say independence for Scotland is not and never would be the safe option.’
Really glad to have found you again. Thought you had been kidnapped by the evil ones. Please keep writing and stay safe.
For God’s sake Derek, never drive a Mercedes.
This is so weird, I left a comment on this post but, but, but it’s GONE!! My comment included breadcrumbs and pockets and the sentiment still stands. Take care…
Confucius.
Ta, you’re a gent!!
Just because you are paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Getting Moore bagged was clever but Mundell’s master stroke was to have him replaced by Carmichael.
I thought Davidson had got a hold of you to give you a seeing to for a bit there Derek. Did you get a look inside the Lamont’s bunker? was IT there? or was it too dark and you just detected the stale lingering odour of BT pish?
“Darling as the menacing dentist in the Marathon Man”
Is it safe? well is it? is it safe?
We need to find this man,
did he have a large white cat?
Oh! wrong film.
Welcome back!
Wondered why Mr Mundell was so quiet. So, who’s going to play him in the film, “Independence – the movie”? He’s the one that the audience hisses at then gasps as he turns out to be a hero after all. But then just as he’s about to lead a resurgent, reinvigorated Scottish Tory part after Ruthie resigns, he is tragically beaten to the post by Murdo…
Its when you hear that dentists drill crank up… (shudder). 😀
Heho, I thought we had our first martyr.
Derek, as you will know the currency proposal for a Sterling Zone has been heavily criticised by the No campaign, and a selection of “their” experts. this as been broadcast uncritically by the BBC in Scotland. And yet we hear that several senior economic advisors and other financial experts in the European financial sector have commented that a Sterling Zone is the best solution and easily accomplished.
None of this alternative view has been aired by the BBC. I consider that to be editorial bias.
I know you hold a position about what is happening at the BBC, and I can sympathise up to a point about respecting former colleagues positions. But really, in all seriousness, do you still hold to the view that this is incompetence rather than conspiracy (in a general sense)